My story begins like a lot of us. I always felt different. I could fit in anywhere but never felt like I fit in. Outwardly, people told me how much potential I had, but inwardly I longed for something to fill the emptiness… the loneliness… something to fill the hole. Then came the first time. The first time I felt whole for even a little bit. It started off fun, as it usually does. What once began by making me whole started taking me apart piece by piece, until all that remained was somebody so lost and broken that death was the favorable option compared to having to go through another day.
Rock bottom included a plan to kill myself. A last ditch effort to get enough money, to ensure that without question, there was enough to be the last time. A hope to find peace in death. But God had other plans. I was lucky. I had people who wanted to help, and who could help. There was still someone in my life who knew of a place and had the means. But how many people don’t have someone, or lack the means, or don’t know of a place? I roomed with one of those people. He didn’t have someone. He lacked the means. He didn’t know where to go. But he ended up with a group of people to support him, who provided the means, and helped him get where he needed to go. That was my first interaction with the JKF. The JKF gave him the same opportunity that I had. The blessing of a chance at a life we didn’t know existed.
Commonly in recovery you are asked to explain what it is like now, and there is just no way to impart the difference in words. What I can say is I am grateful for a relationship with God who broke the chains of my past. Although it may not have been the road I would have chosen, I am grateful for the difficulties that, to this point, I have been able to overcome. When someone is struggling I can sincerely tell them “I understand”.
I can tell them I will do what I can to help. WE will do what we can to help.
The Jake K Foundation is very appreciative of Todd’s story, and of Todd himself for sharing the details.